Who am I?

Writer. Philosopher. Theologian. Preacher. C.S. Lewis enthusiast. Covenant Group Leader. Writing tutor. Opinion Page Editor.

These are the descriptive titles most people would label me with.

“Miguel, yeah I know him. He loves C.S. Lewis.”

But the eternal questions of “Who am I? What am I here for?” are ones that plague me. We are all just wondering fools unconscious or semiconscious, if conscious at all, about our desire for meaning.

I don’t see myself as any of these descriptive words. I do love these roles. I even partake in them, but they are as much me as this essay is me.

God has the statement, “I am who I am.”

I have these:

“I am . . . unsure of what I am.”

“I am . . . a creation of I Am Who I Am.”
   

In the hours between today and yesterday, I found myself talking to my friend Hallie about life and Jesus.

I found myself confessing that my understanding of God’s love had reached a new level; it no longer had to be embodied in the people around me. I have come to understand even in the absence of people that God loves me. When I am stripped of friend or family member, of people all together, I can still feel a love coming from God.

I am conscious, if I am conscious of anything, of this desire for a God who I am unable to fully know. A God who conveys love in a crucified man.

Daily, I seek God through prayer. I yearn for God.

Lewis once said, “If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”

That quote helped me understand. It helped me see my desire as one pertaining to God.

As Christians, as humans, we easily get lost in this fallen world because it is all we know. We only know pain, suffering, injury, violence. Ask anyone on this earth about those words, and that person will respond with real examples.

We only know falleness. We yearn to know fullness.

We are so used to hearing the cacophonous music the world seems to be playing. We miss hearing the euphonious song that God calls us into.

In the midst of talking with Hallie, I was able to express my yearning, my longing, for this God. A God embodied in Jesus of Nazareth. Jesus who we ask daily for simple earthly pleasures but who gives us the gift of eternal life, the pleasure of being always with Him.

I guess, “I am . . . the creation of I Am Who I Am.”

But . . .

I am also God’s beloved. And that is a title I fully embrace. I am satisfied.